[wvns] Gamal Nkrumah: An amorous monotheism
For the ignorant it might seem otherwise, writes Gamal Nkrumah, but
there is plenty of room in Islam for love
An amorous monotheism
Gamal Nkrumah, Cairo
http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2006/781/feature.htm
The Muslim Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan of India built the most renowned
monument to love bearing masonry and inlaid marble for his wife and
sweetheart Mumtaz. The onion-shaped domes and flanking towers of the
Taj Mahal, a testament to the brilliance of Islamic architecture in
South Asia, have become an eternal symbol of true love
"love is the greatest reality upon which the entire creation rests,"
declares Grand Mufti of Egypt Ali Gomaa. And love in Islam is at once
spiritual and heavenly, carnal and mundane. Islam enjoins believers
not to curb sensuous pleasures, but to restrict them to the confines
of conjugal love.
"When asked, 20 years after her death, who was the dearest person to
his heart, the Prophet Mohamed said without hesitation that it was his
first wife Khadija," Heba Qutb, marriage and sex counsellor, told
Al-Ahram Weekly. "When asked, 'And who is the second most beloved
person to your heart,' he said that it was his then surviving wife Aisha."
"Now, imagine how many men in our contemporary Islamic culture would
openly declare to their friends that they regard their spouses as
dearer even than their own children or anyone else, for that matter."
Prophet Mohamed maintained that his daughter, Fatima, was no more
precious to his heart than her long- deceased mother. "By modern
standards, he was a very liberal and open-minded man. He often picked
up a broom to sweep the floors of his house, and he mended his own
clothes. How many Muslim men do that today?"
The point Qutb was corroborating was that the Prophet Mohamed had no
problem conceding in public that the women he selected as spouses were
the dearest and fondest beings to him.
"He always greeted his wives with a kiss. How many men return home
from work to kiss their wives today? Very few I suspect."
The special status of family law in Islam places the family as the
basic unit of Muslim society. The Prophet Mohamed enjoyed an
especially meaningful and fulfilling conjugal life. He stressed the
centrality of marriage in Islam. According to Imam Abu Abdallah
Mohamed ibn Ismail Al-Bukhari, the leading authority on the Sunna (the
Prophet's tradition), "Men and women are twin halves of each other."
Man and wife are partners with needs, responsibilities and duties. Be
that as it may, marriage in Islam is acknowledged as the only legal
and moral provision for physical and romantic relationships. Marriage
is also seen as prerequisite for the advancement of spiritual good.
"There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it
in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts. But,
don't make a secret contract with them except in terms honourable, nor
resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled,"
says the Quran (Surat Al-Baqara).
The very notion of the Muslim woman as passive and sexually submissive
is false and misleading, she argues. "Aisha often initiated the sexual
act. She intimated her desire for her husband. And, he obliged."
She went even further. "In their ignorance many men, including
scholars, make an issue out of the uncleanliness of menstruating
women. But, do they read carefully what Al-Bukhari wrote? According to
Al-Bukhari, the Prophet Mohamed used to recline on Aisha's lap. He did
not feel this made him unclean, on the contrary he was making a point
-- menstruation didn't make her any less of a human being."
He was a statesman and a religious leader, but he took the time to
look into the minutiae of daily living. He was sensitive to the needs
and cares of his spouses, no matter how mundane they appeared to him
or others to be. He cared deeply for his wives.
Foreplay and postcoital, for instance, are regarded as essential
prerequisites of a wife's sexual rights in Islam -- as a prerequisite
of a happy and successful marital life. "There shall be no monastic
celibacy in Islam," was an injunction of the Prophet Mohamed according
to Al-Bukhari.
There is, also, the mystical path of love in the Sufi tradition of
Islam. Sufi mysticism, or tassawwuf -- eschewing materialistic
seductions and worldly pleasures -- has attracted the attention of
thousands of Westerners for centuries.
"O my Lord if I worship Thee from fear of Hell, burn me in hell. And,
if I worship Thee in hope of Paradise, exclude me thence. But, if I
worship Thee for Thine own sake, then withhold not from me Thine
Eternal Beauty." Rabaa Al-Adawiya, the celebrated medieval Sufi
mystic, pleaded with her God. Her devotional love of Allah is widely
viewed as exemplary.
Indeed, Islam makes every aspect of human life, including conjugal
love and love-making within the strict confines of marriage, sacred.
Sex out of wedlock is unacceptable, though. Muslims know about love,
but it is the love that is halal (religiously sanctioned) not the love
that is haram (forbidden). Love, and it often comes as a shock to many
Westerners, is a surprisingly prevalent subject in Islam. There are
many different variations to the theme of love in Islam.
Sex and carnal desire are not overlooked in Islam as they are in some
other monotheistic religions. However, Islam is about submission --
submitting personal whims to the will of Allah. "Islam prescribes the
proper channels into which the natural instincts are steered," Qutb
told the Weekly. Islam stresses the importance of conjugal love and
emphasises the importance of the physical aspect of conjugal
relationships. In Islam, for example, the importance of foreplay
before sexual intercourse between a married couple is highlighted.
But, Islam is not a religion that reeks of sex as some Orientalists claim.
Islam eschews Christianity's 2000 years of avoidance in which both
carnal desire and the sex act itself have been denigraded or tiptoed
around.
Sexual intercourse in Islam is subject to moral regulations.
Infidelity, adultery, fornication, frivolous non-marital amusements
and sexual abandon are eschewed -- are considered haram (forbidden).
The married life of the prophet himself is upheld as the model of
Muslim conjugal bliss. In many ways, Prophet Mohamed's first marriage
was unconventional -- and especially in a contemporary context.
Khadija was much older and much wealthier than Mohamed, but their
marriage lasted 25 years and he never married another woman until she
passed away. The marriage survived the death of their two sons.
The contemporary Preacher Amr Khaled notes that Khadija bint
Khowayled, the first wife of Prophet Mohamed, was an astute
businesswoman and the mother of his children who survived into
adulthood. All the other wives of the Prophet either did not bear him
children or their children died in infancy.
"Khadija had rejected several marriage proposals by the elite of
Quraysh who were attracted by her beauty and wealth," notes Amr
Khaled. "Here, we need to analyse this situation and ask whether it is
appropriate for a woman to initiate a marriage proposal. According to
this exemplary marriage of Khadija and Mohamed, yes a woman can broach
this issue," Khaled extrapolates. "The issue is how it is done."
Khadija approached Mohamed indirectly, through the good offices of her
close friend Nafisa bint Al-Munnabbih who coyly asked the prophet if
he was married. "No, I am not married," Mohamed replied, whereupon
Nafisa suggested that Khadija would make a good wife. "Was he
interested," she inquired. When the Prophet expressed interest, Nafisa
said that she would ask Khadija and let him know what Khadija thought
of him. Of course, she already knew that Khadija was in love with the
prophet.
"When she married the prophet, he was 40 years of age. It is amazing
how a 55-year-old woman can climb a mountain to join her husband in a
cave, only to sit and meditate with him," Amr Khaled notes.
Khaled was speaking of the Cave of Mount Hiraa where the inspired word
of Allah first came to the Prophet, who then rushed to Khadija's bosom
for tender words of encouragement.
Love ( hubb ), is a sublime emotion that has intrigued people the
world over -- and Muslims are no exception. The renowned Andalusian
poetess Wallada bint Al-Mustakfi (died 1091), who sustained a torrid
love affair with the poet and vizier Ibn Zaidun, wrote some of the
most passionate lyrics ( ghazzal ) of the period.
Another famed Andalusian Arab poet Abu Mohamed ibn Hazm Al-Andalusi
(994-1064) wrote extensively about love and its attributes. His prose
cleverly captures the magic of romance. He is widely regarded as one
of the most prolific and poignant writers on the subject.
"Love has certain signs which the intelligent man quickly detects and
the shrewd readily recognises," wrote Ibn Hazm in his celebrated The
Dove's Necklace. "Of these [signs] the first is the brooding gaze --
the eye is the wide gateway of the soul, the scrutiniser of its
secrets, conveying its most private thoughts and giving expression to
its deepest hidden- feelings. You will see the lover gazing at the
beloved unblinkingly," Ibn Hazm wrote.
"The lover will direct his conversation to the beloved even when he
purports, however earnestly, to address another -- the affection is
apparent to anyone with eyes to see." His treatise on love has since
been the subject of much scholarly debate.
"The lover hurries to the spot where the beloved is at the moment,"
Ibn Hazm observed. It is hard to gauge the pain of forlorn love,
though. Maybe it's the love of the chase. In such cases, Islam
counsels prayer, patience and devotion to God.
But, Islam also makes allowance for conjugal unions that go wrong.
Divorce is religiously sanctioned -- even though it is known as the
most unpalatable of halal injunctions. khul', a relatively new concept
in Egypt, has ironically had a long tradition in Islam harking back to
the days of pristine Islam during the Prophet Mohamed's own lifetime.
When the wife of Qais ibn Sammas beseeched the Prophet Mohamed to
annul her marriage, she said that he was a reverent man, noble and of
good character, but that she couldn't fall in love with him. Then
according to Ibn Abbas the Prophet told her that she could divorce him
(khul') provided that she left him all the material possessions he
bequeathed upon her when they got married.
Islam appeals to the higher nature of man and discourages incessant
amusement outside the conjugal context. Many Westerner take issue with
Islam's insistence that polygamy, or more precisely polygyny, is
religiously sanctioned. The Quran permits a Muslim man to marry up to
four wives. However, Islam enjoins a man to deal justly with his wives.
"And among His signs is this; that He created mates for you from
yourselves that you may find rest and peace of mind in them, and He
ordained between you love and mercy."
So how do contemporary Muslim men and women cope with love? A typical
tale is that of Mustafa who hails from a provincial and conservative
background. He is deeply religious and very pious in the highest sense
of the word. He opted to heed his family's urging and agreed to an
arranged marriage with one of his cousins. He believes that after
marriage the love will really blossom. "She is beautiful and devout,
what more do I need? I know all there is to know about her social and
cultural background. It is bound to be a successful marriage,
inshallah -- God willing."
The nuptial vow is sacred, Mustafa stresses. Marriage in Islam is
based on al-mawwadah wal-rahmah (affection and compassion) between the
spouses. Tender words and unselfish care are vital elements in
cementing conjugal ties.
Then there is the story of Ahlam. At 25, she was already the mother of
two children by different husbands.
After walking out on the first one when their son Nadim was seven
months old, she supported her baby by lecturing at a prestigious
university. Nadim went to a nursery during the day.
Soon she fell in love again. Her desire was to live with her lover,
like couples do in the West. Fornication is frowned upon in Egyptian
society and therefore opted for Urfi marriage. They eloped to the Red
Sea resort of Dahab and got married there. But, that was not the end
of the affair.
A year of unrestrained passion passed, quicker than she had
anticipated. She insisted on a proper marriage and soon became
pregnant again. Soon after things started to fall apart -- her life
was crumbling before her eyes. Ahlam felt helpless, her dreams had
turned into nightmares. She abhorred the life of open marriages and
doomed affairs. She wanted out.
Ahlam learned the hard way that Muslims must learn where their true
affections are placed.
"Islam is about being able to control your instincts, about being able
to look beyond the present life. This life is very short. Nothing
lasts, everything changes and comes to an end. What is important is
the afterlife," says Hind, a thoroughly "liberal" Egyptian who was
addicted as much to destructive relationships as she ever was to drugs
and drink. "I have no desire whatsoever to go back to the past. It is
all behind me now," she insists.
Today, she is married, "not perfectly happily", she concedes. "But I
have a lovely daughter and I have Allah."
Marriage is essentially for the propagation of the human species, she
has no qualms about that.
She concedes that, "We live in a male-dominated, or patriarchal
community, but many of our practices are cultural and not
religiously-sanctioned." She appreciates her husband's decency and
gentle temperament, but is not head over heals about him. "He is a
loving father and a good husband," she says. They share kindred tastes
and aspirations, but are separated by an incompatibility of
disposition, she explains. She yearns for the love that lives on under
whatever difficulties.
Inji and Johannes have a blissful marriage. They met by chance on a
beach in Sinai, Egypt, and fell instantly in love. A German by birth,
Johannes became a Muslim before he married Inji. "I fell in love with
him because he took Islam seriously. He is devout and never misses a
prayer," she explained. He doesn't drink and treats people nicely. He
is extremely polite and caring. I feel that I am extremely fortunate
to have found such a loving and decent man. I have, thank God,
alhamdullah, an ideal Muslim marriage."
Additional reporting Salonaz Sami
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