Maria Hussain: Good Advice for Bad Muslims

Good Advice for Bad Muslims
Maria Hussain
MariaHussain.wordpress.com

The traditional Muslim "all or nothing" approach to marriage is
holding many men and women back from succeeding in life and having the
self-confidence necessary to compete in today's rat race. It is simply
very draining to keep your virginity past the age of 20 and yet, a 20
year old man cannot support a wife and family unless he moves them in
with his mother and father. It's not only about money but someone
being there for them on a regular basis. If this generation is going
to succeed emotionally we will have to get over the American taboo of
adults living with their parents. Obviously that means we need parents
that are cool enough to live with, so we don't have to run away from
abuse.

One very concrete reason that Jewish Americans do better than non-Jews
on many levels is because they don't waste decades of their life
feeling "uncomfortable" and emotionally frantic from lack of sex.
Jewish parents actually push their children to become sexually active
in a long term but not necessarily permanent relationship as soon as
they reach puberty. This has historical reasons - Jewish law has a
very strong taboo against masturbation and even considers wet dreams
to be a sin. The behavior of Jews used to be early marriage, divorce,
remarriage and sometimes more than two marriages. The idea was that
the opposite sex is there to serve your needs so that you can then
concentrate on more important things. Nowadays it is even more likely
for a rich Jewish people concerned about lineage to marry young and
then commit serial adultery, with adulterous relationships lasting for
years and years. You may not like their lifestyle but the fact is that
they are not walking around feeling uncomfortable.

Muslims should think about their options especially if they are
Shiite. Shiites are the only religion in the world where the cultural
practice is actually less permissive than what the religious scholars
allow. God made it so easy for people to marry. All you have to do is
make an oral contract and give her what she wants as a gift. "Save
yourself from hellfire if only by half a date." A man is allowed to
contract a temporary marriage with a non-virgin woman such as a single
mother or a widow. If they fall in love they can always get married
forever. The imams are constantly advising the young people of Iran
and in America to just make that contract before you fall into bed.
Then you are not sinning. And yet, the Muslims are so "embarrassed" of
sex that they would rather commit a sin than discuss intentions.

As someone who has had four children I recommend women marry young and
get the baby part of your life over with before you are 30 because boy
is it tiring. A 19 year old does much better on three hours of sleep
than a 37 year old. Plus, women in their twenties don't really enjoy
sex as much as women in their 30s. So enjoy your thirties. Don't save
all the dirty diapers for your 30s because that is when you really
need a good adult conversation and actually enjoy focusing and working
on your goals. In your 20s it's all about a woman trying to figure out
where she belongs and who she can latch on to in order to get a
position in society. I would say just let her get married at age 15 to
a nice guy who is around 30 so she doesn't have to waste the next 20
years trying to find herself in various pursuits.

And likewise, a young man who cannot afford to support a family should
find himself an older woman who doesn't "need" him to feel validated
but would enjoy him and he could give her a little financial stability
by giving her gifts on a regular basis. Only a woman who has her own
friends and knows how to be independent can be safe with a man under
the age of 30. But again, just be honest. Commit for one month, or six
months, or one year. No broken hearts that way. You can still be
friends forever. When a couple promises each other "forever" and it
turns out temporary, that is where the anger comes in. Because the
people feel let down and deceived and hate each other for the
betrayal. The difference between fornication and temporary marriage is
that fornication is based on misleading by implying future intentions
that are sadly not realized, while temporary marriage allows you to
come into the relationship blessed, and to exit the relationship
blessed, always on good terms with each other.

The real question for most women though is how to attract a lifelong
mate. Most of us would prefer a mate to a temporary lover. But nothing
you learn in school or watch on TV gives you any instructions on how
to get a guy to look at you and think, "She's the one I want to
marry." And men don't always realize that usually the nice girls are
the ones that are too shy to approach. So how do women make themselves
approachable to marriage minded men?

Basically you want to send out the message of "femme." So wear a
dress, earrings, whatever makes you feel pretty. If you wear a shawl
either on your head or your shoulders it gives the appearance of "old
fashioned traditional woman." That is the key. Having soup simmering
in the kitchen is always a plus (so you can invite him to taste it).
Do not walk around in sportswear or anything androgynous. Pay
attention to your posture. I'm totally serious - that is what makes
guys think you are a lady. If a man looks at you, look down
immediately but a tad too slow and deliberate. For some reason
religious men never fail to fall for that one. And that is usually
what you want if you are looking for a breadwinner for your future
children. The next thing is to start working on your embroidery.

Whatever skill you have in textiles - knitting, crocheting, patchwork,
or even just mending: do it in public. Just sit there in the cafe
working on your sweater or lay out a nice blanket under a tree and
start working on your needlepoint. Do not pay attention to anyone
else. Trust me, a man will approach. If you can play a musical
instrument, go to a wooded area like a park and just play your song -
again, ignoring everyone. You will inspire devotion in the onlooker.
The key is to be looking down and not at them. That is what makes
women seem less scary to men.

So that is my advice of the day. Go forth and be fruitful now!

*********************************************************************