[wvns] Islam: Where do I begin?
Islam: Where do I begin?
Maria Hussain
December 10, 2007
Ask Maria Anything! Use the comments feature.
http://mariahussain.wordpress.com/
Q: I am in love with Islam. I don't have the guts to change my
lifestyle yet, but I am engaged in deep thinking and my entire world
view has shifted. Where do I begin to try and approach God through Islam?
A: There are millions of "sleeper Muslims" like yourself throughout
the world. Some were born ethnically Muslim but were never taught how
to perform the religion, while many were raised in another tradition.
Especially in the 1970s, due to the ministry of Malcolm X, a lot of
people in the civil rights movement converted to Islam, mostly in
theory but not in practice. But that may be an illusion. Being a "good
Christian" in this country amounts to not much more than just
back-stabbing materialism. But being a "good Muslim" is a full time
job. By choosing to identify as "bad Muslim" we choose a moderate
path, a general philosophy which has the potential of propelling our
society forward in a positive direction.
Islam is about making a conscious choice to work on becoming a true
human being. A Mensh, as the Yiddish like to say. Someone upright,
truthful, and compassionate yet firm. The Path of Islam is about using
your time in this life to purify your worship through ego reduction.
Before you can "become the rider of your own elephant" (to quote the
Buddha), it is necessary to respect yourself. Most people have been
demoralized or traumatized in some way by their family or culture and
this leaves scars on our hearts that keep us from living life freely
without baggage. To reach the place of peace and clarity we usually
first need to wade through a lot of muck with a great deal of effort
and courage.
Islam is about learning how to be a clean person, inside and out.
First step we keep our homes clean. The thing that distinguishes
humans from animals is that humans, when they are living in a godly
way, clean up after themselves. A bird poops anywhere anytime. A human
being disposes of his own poop in a safe and sanitary manner. A Muslim
cannot look at feces or urine. We do not live with dirt in our home. A
home can be messy, but not dirty. A dirty house is not a home. Filth
erodes the faith because it causes us to disconnect from our
in-the-now consciousness in an effort to avoid noticing the dirt.
If someone sprinkled when he tinkled, clean it up immediately.
Anything rotten or foul smelling should be disposed of. Clothes and
sheets should be kept clean. The Prophet, peace be upon him, taught
that there are unseen creatures which live in dirty places that bring
disease and misfortune to the people.
The most essential thing that distinguishes a Muslim from a non-Muslim
is that Muslims keep their butts clean. It is the most elementary
thing, but it prevents bladder infections, enhances sex, and just
feels right. Why walk around smelling musty when you could RINSE?
If Islam is interesting to you, try obeying the Shariah in just one
aspect and see how your life changes. For example, start keeping your
butt clean. After you urinate, rinse off. After you poop, wash your
butt. The Islamic tradition is to keep a jug of water next to the
toilet, it looks like a watering can with the spout cut off, but even
a soda bottle or plastic cup works. While sitting on the potty, you
pour the water over your privates with your right hand, using your
left hand to guide the water and open the folds of skin. This is
important because you can actually go to Hell for slime sticking on
your pubes. So don't let it happen.
Another hygeine aspect of the Shariah is shaving off your pubes. It
makes it easier to wash. It doesn't hurt. Some people like to get it
waxed off. That hurts. Muslims are not supposed to walk around with a
smelly hairball in their pants. The Islamic law says you have to at
least clip your pubes with scissors once every three weeks and don't
let it get long. Same goes for the underarms.
Clipping your fingernails. Islamic fundamentalists keep their nails
short without nail polish, like the Swiss. Learn to view fingernail
attachments and decorations as low class.
Circumcision. If you are not circumcized you might consider it. I hear
it prolongs erection and makes the wife very happy. In any case it
reduces her risk of catching disease from your smegma. If you can't
face it, then don't worry. There are some Islamic laws that allow you
to forego that ritual.
Keeping your nose clean. Cup water in your right hand and sniff it up
your nostrils. Use your left hand to squeeze and clean your nose while
you blow all the water out. That is the Islamic way to blow your nose.
Looking up someone's nose (if you are petite like me) is the quickest
way to spot a pagan. Muslims keep their butts clean, their noses
clean, their hands and feet clean.
There are so many rules that I could go on and on. I recommend the
book "Morals and Manners in Islam" by Marwan Ibrahim Al-Kaysi if you
want to know all the rules for human behavior. But if you start with
these few tips, I guarantee you will have improved health and
self-esteem. Maybe even better luck in love.
*********************************************************************
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