[wvns] Ask Maria Anything: Judaism, Feminism, Ramadan

I have always wanted to do an advice column, and because people have
emailed me so many questions it seemed like now is the time. Please
use the comments form to send me questions about Islam and comparative
religion, the Muslims, the Jews, western culture, personal advice. I
invite everything and anything. I have no PhD; all I have are marriage
certificates. My credentials are that I have been married to a Sunni
Muslim, a Shia Muslim, and a Cohen whose family has been in this
country (America) for three hundred years. I know all the secrets of
the Muslims and all the secrets of the Jews. Some people say I'm a
witch. Anything you need to know that I don't know already I can find
out because my current husband - Alhamdulillah I finally found "The
One" - is the foremost expert of Yiddish and Hebrew linguistics in the
Harvard community. I can find out anything you want to know about
world history, and the history of religions and cultures, and tell you
how Jewish communal organizations are set up and what they do. If
anyone wants to know what we talked about at dinner last night, feel
free to ask. That's what I'm here for.

Ask Maria Anything: Judaism, Feminism
September 30, 2007
http://mariahussain.wordpress.com/

Q: I have just one question to you and to your new husband, the "one".
Can you tell me in one sentence what the aim of judaism is ?

I use the pedagogic method of those famous Jews, one asking the other :
Can you tell, in the time I can stand on one foot, what judaism is ?

A: According to my understanding of Judaism, the core of Judaism is
spiritual exile from God. The aim of Judaism the religion is to
relieve the tormented feeling of distance from God through repentance
and good deeds. There is a specific prayer that orthodox Jews say that
goes something like, "Oh God, I deserve to die, but please save me."
My husband is taking the baby for a walk but I can call him on his
cell phone and get his response.

He said there are two answers, one prescriptive and one descriptive.
The sage Hillel was asked that question and his answer was, "Do not do
unto others what you would not like done to yourself. The rest is
commentary." Gerhardt Sholom spent a lot of time studying that
question and came to the conclusion that Judaism is whatever the
Jewish community wants it to be, and this changes constantly.
Joachim's answer for what Judaism is today is that it is a combination
of "Holocaust fixation, ethnic narcissism, and worship of the State of
Israel."

Q: You have stated, "Feminism is an anti-philosophy." Meaning …?

A: It is a philosophy of rejection. It bases itself on what it
rejects. Feminism is not a coherent strategy. It is not a spiritual path.

Q: You also define feminism as "a rejection of patriarchy." Darn
right. According to my dictionary, "patriarchy" means:

• a system of society or government in which men hold the power and
women are largely excluded from it.

• a society or community organized in this way.

Who in their right minds would *want* such a system of society or
government?

A: "Patriarchy," in feminist usage not only rejects the idea that men
are expected to provide financially for their families, but also
rejects "God" and the entire prophetic tradition and replaces it with
a pagan "Goddess." Historically, there is no evidence that the worship
of female deities has any correlation with the status and condition of
women in society. Just as the huge billboards of sexy fashion models
that you see in New York City might seem to imply a great sense of
admiration and even worship for female images, but these images do not
imply that there are no homeless or otherwise unfortunate women in
that city.

In American society the two most obvious examples of matriarchal
family structure are the Jewish and the African American. Jewish women
actually have a long tradition of earning the money while their
husband studies the Torah. However, it is not clear to me that this
woman-headed society is leading us to peace on earth. In many African
American families, grandmothers are the head of the family and watch
the children so the mother can go out to work, but this is indicative
of an incredibly high poverty rate. True gender equity necessitates
the cooperative efforts of men and women in eradicating poverty,
promoting health and education, and reducing infant mortality. These
questions are not addressed by the narrow framework of voting rights
and abortion rights. Instead of redefining "feminism" each time a new
concern comes up, I have filed "feminism" under "reactionary movements
of previous century."

Q: You have stated, "Only belief in one's personal honor prevents
sexual exploitation." What about a society's norms of conduct? Should
a society have no such thing as norms of conduct, such as forbidding
discrimination, whether subtle or blatant?

A: A personal sense of honor and dignity enables us to uphold a code
of conduct. A sense of honor creates resistance to discrimination. But
a sense of honor must be learned. Parents must tell their children how
valuable they are, that their honor is worth protecting with wise
behavior; because a heartbreak you might experience at age 14 can
handicap you emotionally and sometimes physically for over a decade.
And then you just lost your childhood. By forming positive
relationships with older people, a child doesn't always have to learn
from his mistakes. He can be helped to avoid making mistakes, so that
he can grow up respecting himself and others. Our society is a very
permissive, exploitative one. Only a strong sense of honor will help
young people choose wisdom.

ASK MARIA ANYTHING - USE THE COMMENTS FEATURE TO SUBMIT QUESTIONS

Here are a couple questions from an Islamic convert.

Q: How can someone in midlife adjust to all the requirements of Islam
without burning out? (wudu, praying 5 times a day, times always
changing, midlife body/ mind trying to endure the grueling fasting…)

A: I asked my eight year old son how he keeps doing the wudu and
praying five times a day without getting tired. I asked him, "Do you
do it even when I don't tell you to?" and he said "Yeah." So I asked
him what makes him do it. "Allah?" he answered. "Just knowing that I
have to. It doesn't take that long. I don't enjoy it but I don't hate
it either. It doesn't take very long."

Don't stress out about the time. If you can't get up before dawn, just
pray fajr as soon as you wake up. Then keep track of the sun. After
the sun has passed its zenith and is at about a 45 degree angle you
can feel safe that it is Dhuhr. If you are busy, you can combine the
Dhuhr and Asr prayer (meaning do four rakats and end the prayer, then
do four more rakats) any time between afternoon and dusk. If the sun
hit the horizon and the sky is changing color and you realized you
forgot to do the afternoon prayers, according to one hadith you should
not pray at that time because that is when sun-worshippers pray. Just
wait until the sky changes to darker blue (not black) and make up the
missed prayers along with Maghrib. If you didn't get a chance to pray
yet and the sky has now become dark, you can combine Maghrib and Isha
and it's not really considered late. This is a very useful thing to do
in the summer if you are too tired to stay awake until Isha officially
comes in. The Prophet (pbuh) said if you need to eat dinner then go
and eat dinner and pray afterwards. You have all the way until dawn to
pray Isha before it's considered late. Don't do any of the extra
sunnah rakats if it stresses you out. Those are for people who want to
get into a meditative state by repeating the prayers and kind of
groove on it a while. If you can't do the prayers yet, just do what
part of Islam comes easy.

Allah said fasting is our prescription. That means it's for our
benefit. Allah doesn't need us to fast. When we are finding it
difficult to fast, it can clue us in on how we might be over-doing it
in one way or another with our regular lifestyle. If you are getting
sick, you don't have to fast. If you are traveling more than a couple
hours (I'd have to look up the exact distance) you don't have to fast.
If you miss a fast, you have to buy a hungry person breakfast and
dinner for every fast you missed or donate the equivalent to charity.
In America a missed fast costs $10 to expiate. You can choose the
charity or just give it to a needy person you know.

There are things that we can do to make fasting more bearable. The
worst hardships while fasting are:

CAFFEINE HEADACHE: Wake up before dawn, at least an hour before fajr
and drink a pot of coffee. While you are still zinging from the
coffee, do all the work that you have to do for the day that requires
concentration in the beginning part of the day. Later on, take a nap
if you can or do light tasks like errands or phone calls to keep
yourself busy in the afternoon until the sun goes down.

DEHYDRATION (HEADACHE, CONSTIPATION): Wake up before dawn and drink
four large glasses of water until you feel like a balloon. Eat fruit
and legumes (foul, hommos, refried beans) for breakfast and when you
break your fast. Keep in mind that if you go back to sleep, and then
try to wake up, your tongue will feel very dry and you will suffer
more thirst. Try to stay awake from pre-dawn until morning and take a
nap in the afternoon if you are able to arrange your schedule.

FATIGUE: Getting up before dawn is hard, so if you can't drag yourself
out of bed, at least sit up in bed and drink a tall glass of water and
try to force yourself to eat something, even a few bites. If you wake
up later in the morning with a parched throat and you can't stand it,
you can take a shower to relieve some of the symptoms. Inhaling water
mist inadvertantly during a shower or during wudu does not break the
fast as long as you are not going out of your way to get water up your
nose.

HYPOGLYCEMIA: Again, the trick is you have to wake up super-early and
fill yourself with high cholesterol things like cream cheese and eggs
as well as the legumes and the fruit. Have a trucker style breakfast
and you won't get hypoglycemic until late afternoon, at which point
you should just take a nap.

Q: I feel like my old friends are drifting away or I'm drifting away
from them. It's hard without a support system and living in a foreign
country is a radical solution. The culture gap is very big - lots of
frustrations, language problem, feeling of isolation.

A: The spiritual journey is a hard journey and westerners who choose
Islam face a double bind. Those who come to see the beauty in Islam
despite all the prejudice in their culture against it, are usually
loners, nonconformists, poets, or critical thinkers. People who are
looking for more in life besides just filling their stomach. Muslim
culture on the other hand is incredibly social and food-centered as
well as conformist by nature. All that socializing is a lot of work,
and even if you learn how to throw together a six course dinner for
27, you still could feel isolated because of cultural differences. If
you have a "past," and at midlife you certainly have one, being truly
honest with anyone can sometimes alienate people rather than make
friends, and sticking to small talk gets old fast. The solution: Do
what's easy for you. Only hang around people you enjoy hanging around,
people who make you laugh. Make Islam a part of your life but don't
try too hard to fit in with people if you find it stressful. It is
even more painful to feel like a foreigner in your own country, after
you lose contact with old friends and family and find yourself
surrounded by people who don't understand you.

That is why I suggest to female converts to Islam to postpone putting
on hijab until after marriage (if then). The stresses that go along
with hijab include losing your job, getting disowned or at least
humiliated by all your friends and family. While this would indicate
they weren't your real friends anyway, it can be dangerous to lose all
social support without some alternate support system of people.
Wearing hijab also creates the problem of being bombarded by marriage
proposals. Just do whatever job or hobbies you'd be doing if you
hadn't converted to Islam and just do it with a deeper understanding
in your heart. Don't give away your dog or sell your violin and your
CD collection. You can't deprive yourself of everything you have ever
known and loved and then expect complete strangers to fill the void.
If you had a beer, no one wants to know. Go to the mosque and pray but
don't go there looking for your emotional needs to be filled. Don't
try too hard to do everything right. Be okay with yourself sins and
all. Trying too hard and feeling guilty for your inadequacies are the
biggest obstacles to being accepted in the Islamic community. Stay
away from the nit-picking Rabbinical Muslims who are always trying to
"fix" you or "fix you up" with a spouse. Talk to the ones you can
smoke and swear around, if that is what you do. Keep your relationship
with Allah between you and Allah and don't wait for the day that
Islamic culture can accomodate you. Stretch Islamic culture to include
you and your culture.

To all the Jews I've loved before…

I received an amusing comment from a reader who goes by Naftali that I
thought I'd share with you. My response follows.

You are one fucked up lady. Jewish men want you? Dream on. Hope there
are no honor killings coming up in your family or friends any time
soon, since this is a practice among Muslims. How about genital
mutilation of your daughters? Oh, you dont do that, but many many
Muslims do.

Have you read the book Infidel yet?

You can send this to all your homicidial jihadist friends.

The Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the
Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and Arafat's/Haniyah terrorist
groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins
when they reach heaven.

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is
he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till
he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get
credit?
8)What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want
anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or
are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it
cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can theY strike if they're not
satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their
virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows
himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get
awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the
charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of
virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will
straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they
find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and
get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one
72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who
does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a
supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around
in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women.
What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant?
Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if
she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka
make me look fat?"
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get
72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all
72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a
reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered
two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an
installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the
bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site
service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

A: Dear Naftali,

You seem to be very excited by Islam. You have a lot of questions.
There is a toll free number for that. 1-877-WHY-ISLAM

All religions have the concept of eternal rewards for sacrificing your
life in the struggle of good against evil. For example, we have a lot
of respect for Martin Luther King Jr. who was assassinated in our own
country. The Quran speaks of "pure beings" who will "share bliss" with
the blessed martyrs in paradise. It's sexual perverts in the
Orientalist tradition who read more into it.

ASK MARIA ANYTHING - USE THE COMMENTS FEATURE TO SUBMIT QUESTIONS

http://mariahussain.wordpress.com/

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